BELMA SKOPLJAKOVIĆ: For Parents and Adolescents

Author: Belma Skopljakovic 

The inspiration for this article came from talking to a few acquaintances who had serious difficulties communicating with their parents, even blaming them for who they are today, for the narratives in their heads that cause them to have conflicts in life now. After thinking a lot about educating and developing emotional intelligence, I want to share my views on this.
I hope it benefits you!

The article is divided into two sections: For Parents and For Adolescents.

FOR PARENTS

Dear Parents, what does it mean for you to have the perfect child? Define to yourself: The perfect child is …

Once you have defined, continue reading.

Now remember yourself as a child and compare with your definition. Did you live by that definition?

I will not write about how to be an ideal parent, because I do not have the experience of a parent, but I can write about the importance of a conscious parent for a child.
You are the child’s first contact with this world, first connection, and the feeling of love.

The moment you became a parent, you became responsible for a new human being. Even legally, for the next 18 years, whatever happens to your child, social services and the police will come to your door!
For this reason, it is the parent’s responsibility  to know their child and to be aware of his or her development. No one should have a greater influence on him than you: Not single one reality TV show, social network, professor or a friend!

No one can damage your child’s confidence, as much as you can build it!
But also, no one can praise him enough, as much as one of your criticisms can break him!

I know that the role of a parent is just one of the roles in your life, and that you might have other children too, you have a wife or husband, friends or job… but take the time for your child, and as far as you can manage, be fully present.
I firmly believe that parenting is not in the quantity of hours spent with the child, but quality.

I believe that being a parent is the hardest job in the world and for that reason I will only ask you to have an understanding for your children.

A special understanding for children who are different from others because I was different and I know that parents of such children are confused because their approach to them must be different too.

Show them respect and most importantly, educate yourself on upbringing… google, research, read books about the importance of emotional intelligence!

I have heard one quote I would love to share with you: A parent who wonders how to be a better parent is already a better parent.So, thank you!

FOR ADOLESCENTS

It would be really nice to have the support of your parents in making your dreams come true, but if you don’t have that, you don’t need it.
Never give up on what you feel passion for, because that is the only way to reach your full potential.

What I ask you to do is understand your parents. You have to accept that your parents are not just your parents, they are also someone’s spouse, someone’s brother or sister, they might still have their own ambitions and goals that they want to achieve. How did we get the idea that we should be the center of their lives?

Everything they tell you that you should do comes from their perspective because they truly believe, from their experience, that what they are telling you is the truth. If you feel that they are holding you back from pursuing your dreams, know that it is because of their fear that you will not succeed and that you will be disappointed or hurt. Although most parents think they act out of love, many things come out of fear. For fear of your future, they will suggest that you to enroll in a certain “promising” college or get a job somewhere where the salary will be “stabile” while you are longing for a completely different college or pursuing a completely different profession. They don’t want you to take risks and fail.

And you, if you truly feel who you are and what you want out of life, first adopt what I stated above and do all the things you “must” do, finish high school or take a specific exam, and in addition to commit to your true calling, do the things you really want to, sing, write, rap, make videos for YouTube, etc.

If others in the world have succeeded, so can you! Don’t doubt your talents and don’t be humble about it. Know what you are best at and work on it every day. As soon as the first results of your work come, no one will be able to tell you anything. How do you expect to be supported if they have no reason to do so? Show them who you are and then, I assure you, your parents will be most proud of you.

Also, be patient until you reach the age of majority, while still living under their roof or paying bills for you. With work, there will come a time when you will become independent and a time when you will not have to explain yourself to anyone. Fight for that freedom, work and learn. If your parents have no understanding for you, be different and show your understanding for them.

When taking full responsibility for your life, keep in mind following sentences:

Do whatever you want, but at your own expense.
Everything you do, you do to yourself!
Every act has its consequences! Before you do anything, think about them. If you are ready to take responsibility for the consequences, feel free to do whatever thing you want.
Please educate yourself about everything! Google, read, explore!
Be honest with yourself!
And most important of all: It’s OKAY to be wrong! It’s totally okay to make mistake!

Love yourself and love yourself more than anyone will ever love you, because only then will you be able to be a good friend, good partner in love and in business. Only this way you will have no complexes and need to condemn others, or be jealous or even hate!

And finally, I will single out one excerpt from the movie Room[1] as my message to you:
-You’re gonna love it!
-What?
-The world!

If you have any comments or would like to share your experiences with the topic of this article with me, you can email me at bellspiration2k16@gmail.com..

[1] Based on the best-selling novel by Emma Donoghue. Directed by Lenny Abrahamson, and starring Brie Larson, Jacob Tremblay, Joan Allen, William H. Macy.