BELLSPIRATION CLUB - Katherine Meneses, Venezuela/Hungary: Invest time and energy in self-awareness and be honest with yourself! (Part 3/4)

1. Dear Kath, you moved from Venezuela to Hungary, from one continent to another. How difficult was that change for you? How did the process of adapting to the new area go? New language, culture, tradition…

Frankly, the change was not difficult. In fact, I was overly excited about it. To me, change is a necessary aspect of personal growth and is the best way to learn about yourself in so many ways. It teaches you to be better prepared for hectic circumstances, strengthen your sense of confidence, and become emotionally stronger. In my experience, when you go through an uncertain obstacle or change in life that challenges your mind and emotions, you learn the different ways that you react both positively and negatively. If you choose to embrace the change as a learning opportunity, you will find that the things you learn about yourself will be extremely rewarding, and you will be surprised by how capable you truly are.

Conversely, adaptation has been more challenging for me, especially the language and understanding the mindset of the locals which I consider quite different from what I knew, but I can tell you that having an open and flexible mindset has taught me to experience the world with different lenses, empathize with the citizens, and appreciate the beauty and the many interesting facts of the culture. In Hungary, I have learned more about cultural differences than any other place I have been to before but most importantly I have learned the most about my own culture. 

One of the most interesting aspects I have experienced is “the sense of time” as I like to call it 😊 Hungarians are organized, always on time, it impresses me their ability to plan ahead and keep a calendar to track their everyday activities and social events. Whereas Venezuelans are more spontaneous, prefer to go with the flow, rarely plan in advance, therefore, there are no calendars as part of our daily life. Nevertheless, I have found it quite handy to manage a calendar and forward planning – I even have wondered “How did I survive without it?!” LOL. 

To sum up, stepping out of your comfort zone might be challenging and daunting but managing and embracing change can turn out in a transformative experience.

2. You mentioned marriage in a way that you want to create a healthy marriage without losing your identity or trying to change your husband’s personality. Did you find the secret? How to accomplish that? :)

Honestly, I do not know if what we have built so far is the secret of a healthy marriage, but we have taken an approach that has made the marriage a delightful experience for both of us.

I personally believe that marriage is like having a business where we both invest time, energy, money and use our skills and expertise to make the business thrive. Therefore, I see my husband as a business partner. We both have expectations, needs, insecurities, want to be motivated, recognized, rewarded, challenged, growth opportunities, and so on. When I first told my husband about it, he just loved it! 😁

Like any other company we designed our statement or mission, we will strive to be a conscious couple committed to a sense of purpose, and that purpose is growth. Individual growth and collective growth as a couple. We believe that when two people come together with the intention of growth, the relationship strives towards something much greater than just surviving the daily routine. The partnership becomes a journey of exploration and evolution. For instance, every year, we set up individual and collective SMART goals, then from time to time (maybe every 3 months) we review them and make changes if necessary, finally, we make an end-year review and discuss what went well and what could be better. It sounds funny, I know, but it works for us! 😁

With this experiment we have discovered 4 pillars that are the base of our happy and fulfilled marriage:

1.- Communication. Always expressing our needs, feelings (positive and negative), our triggers, our desires, most importantly clarify our expectations.

2.- Honesty. This is the hardest one! It is rare to be completely honest about who you are and to stretch yourself to let your partner do the same because you may not like what you hear; in fact, it may trigger the hell out of you. But you are willing to be triggered if it means your partner can be authentic. This leads to feeling known, seen, and utterly understood — a combination that will automatically enhance your relationship. 

3.- Respect. Being compassionate with each other and communicating with empathy. This requires a lot of effort and willingness but the key is focusing on the impact of our words rather than the intention meaning that it is not only what we say but also how we say it.

4.- Feedback. It has been extremely useful and motivating when we acknowledge each other's contribution to the relationship, as well as the room for improvements. We mostly use positive reinforcement to boost our confidence and self-esteem, we also say, “thank you” and “please” all the time. It might seem silly, but it is the best way to constantly show appreciation.

Our personalities have evolved by stepping out of our comfort zone and finding a balance for our individual and collective growth. When people say “marriage changes everything” believe me, girl, it does! but it is up to you how you want to experience those changes.

In summary, I do believe my marriage is very well balanced with tons of happy moments, and joy, the key is “practice”. The practice of acceptance, kindness, self-regulation, self-awareness, being present, forgiveness, and stretching your heart into vulnerable territories.

PS. I have two books recommendation (definitely a game-changer in my marriage) Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg and The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.

3. Do you have any advice from your personal experience on how to overcome fears and step out of your comfort zone (change marital status, place of living, continent… )? 

For a start, invest time and energy in self-awareness and be honest with yourself. The more you know yourself the better you can identify your triggers, fears, values, biases, and beliefs. You will know who you really are, what drives you, and what you stand for. Then, you can figure out the most suitable strategy to move forward.

Next is exposure, once you have identified your fears you need to find sceneries or situations that will allow you to get the necessary skills to overcome them. In my experience, it has been an incredible way to stretch my boundaries to finally get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Last but not least, be kind to yourself by cultivating your inner advocate. We are all familiar with the inner critic. It is that little voice in our heads that is quick to judge and is always ready with a put-down. Well, it is time for your inner critic to meet your inner advocate. When you fail, make a mistake, or do something wrong give yourself a morale boost by reminding yourself of your past successes or remind yourself of your good qualities. Then, come up with a plan for dealing with what happened, and take action. I know it is easier said than done (I also am a work in progress, in fact, I wrote a love letter to myself where I mention what I like the most about my personality) but it is worth giving it a try.

CONTACT KATH:

IG: https://www.instagram.com/kathymene/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/katherine.meneses1 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katherine-meneses-50695a22/

Previous parts of  Kath's interview:

Interview PART 1/4: https://bellspiration.blogspot.com/2021/05/bellspiration-club-katherine-meneses.html
Interview PART 2/4: https://bellspiration.blogspot.com/2021/05/bellspiration-club-katherine-meneses_12.html

BELLSPIRATION: https://bellspiration.blogspot.com/

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