BELLSPIRATION CLUB - Michael Clark: The importance of public mental health awareness encourages me to be honest! (Part 2/4)

1) Dear Michael, you mentioned an illness you have been diagnosed with, in January 2020. Can you share with us some information about it because it might help others to know that they are not alone in it?

Yes, of course. It is always a hard decision to decide how much I talk about it, but I think the importance of public mental health awareness encourages me to be honest. In January last year, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, after several years of on/off mental health struggles. I struggled with some recurring depression and anxiety in high school, but it wasn’t until my early 20s that the full bipolar symptoms started showing up clearly. There are a lot of misconceptions about what this illness is, so I will try to be as brief as possible and not write 10 pages here about it!

Basically, the primary effect is that a person with bipolar experiences alternating episodes of both depression and mania. Most people know roughly what depression is, such as intense sadness, pessimism, mental exhaustion, and lack of motivation; however, mania is much less understood. Some people in a manic episode can even have psychosis and delusions, which I never have had, but my mania presents itself as very fast pressured speech, grandiose thinking, impulsive & irrational decisions, irritability, lack of sleep, hyperactivity, and agitation. The crash into depression also tends to be worse following a manic episode. Major depressive episodes, as they are known, must last at least 2 weeks, whereas a manic episode must last at least 4 days (for hypomania) or 1 week for full mania. For me personally, my depression often lasts between 2 and 6 weeks, though my longest episode once lasted 2 months. My manic episodes are usually on the hypomanic scale, between 4 and 8 days, but my longest one did last several weeks. In addition to these two extremes, there exists something called a ‘mixed episode’, where someone has very negative depressive thoughts but impulsive manic actions, and often this is the state that leads bipolar people to be hospitalized.

It is also worth pointing out though, that often we can return to the very standard function in between episodes, and if you don’t see me during one of these episodes, I may seem fairly normal! Nevertheless, in between episodes I do often still struggle with anxiety and tiredness because of how tangled my mind can be. In the past, I did self-harm, though I haven’t done that for a number of years now, and I also have often had suicidal thoughts during bipolar episodes, most recently around the time that I was diagnosed one year ago. Since I started medication after that diagnosis, I have been doing a little better, but there have still been some mood swings, anxiety, and sleep problems, as well as all the regular difficulty of changing medications. It is a slow process finding the right balance and cocktail sometimes, but I like to think I've made some small progress since this time last year. My relationship with God has also been a huge support throughout my struggles.

2) Mental health is as important just as physical, right? How to drop the stigma about it, what do you think?

Absolutely! Because of my own personal experiences, as well as those of people I know, this is a topic close to my heart, and one I want to fight for. Firstly, suicide is the number one killer for men under 45, even above things like cancer or car accidents. Secondly, the number of both men and women struggling with mental health issues is increasing, in particular anxiety and stress-related illness. Thirdly, mental health affects your physical wellbeing, and people with mental health issues are more likely to suffer physical problems too because of the way that mental health affects sleep, appetite, and hygiene. Finding solutions is a much harder question, but just starting the public conversation is important. I think for everyone, even people without a mental illness, having a talk therapist can be hugely beneficial. From personal experience, it really is amazing how much it helps just having someone to talk to who isn’t going to be shocked by anything you say, and who is there over a long period of time to help you through things. In today’s world, all of us are experiencing a lot of stress, and talk-therapy was so hugely beneficial to me even before my diagnosis.

Besides that, I think many countries need to put more money into mental health support services, both for people with situational struggles and with more serious illnesses. Having access to either a therapist or psychiatrist without having to pay huge prices or wait many months is very important. In the meantime, I encourage people to reach out to their friends and be the support group that they may need in the absence of proper health services. I know for me that some of my closest friends in Sarajevo were amazing to me when I was struggling, and it was my friend Mirela who first encouraged me to phone a doctor before my eventual diagnosis. Sometimes people who are struggling don’t have the energy or desire to reach out and ask for help, so I really encourage people to always check in on their friends and family, and create an environment where people don’t have to just say “I’m fine” even when they’re not. I think toxic positivity can be a problem where people are so focused on “positive thoughts” that negative emotions are suppressed, and that is very unhealthy in the long term. The attitude or negative stereotype that men just need to “man up” and not talk about their feelings also has to be broken down. And finally, while we are moving towards less stigma for anxiety and day-to-day mental health problems, remember that people with bipolar or schizophrenia or other such ‘big’ conditions aren’t scary or insane, but they are normal people with an illness who can live happy productive lives if they are able to get the help they need. It should be considered no different to someone with diabetes or epilepsy in that regard.

3) I am so proud of you and your strength. Do you have some message to all those who struggle with mental health issues in any way?

Firstly I want to remind them that they are not alone in any way! Mental illness, and the depression side, in particular, can often convince us that we are totally alone, forgotten, and that no-one cares about us. This, however, is not true at all and I can promise them that when they open up and talk to people about how they feel, the majority will in fact understand. Often their friends may even say “I experience this too and I was also afraid to tell anyone.” Don’t feel like this is a fight you have to do alone. In the same way that soldiers in battle cover each other and defend each other, so mental wellbeing is best supported when a whole community is helping each other. Find friends who are honest and supportive, and don’t let the minority make you feel like it’s all on you. Sometimes we don’t have the strength to fight on our own, and we need others to help give us the strength to get through those tough times. Please reach out to those around you if you are able. There is no shame in having struggles, it shows emotional maturity to be in touch with how you feel and shows bravery, to be honest about it.

Secondly, advocate for yourself and remember that this is important. Mental health can be as debilitating as physical health when it’s ignored and not treated right, so be persistent when you need help. Once again a therapist can be so much help, as over time they should be able to discern whether your struggles are because of a specific problem or situation that needs to be addressed, or whether it may be worth seeing a medical professional about it. In either case, they will give you a better understanding of yourself and a roadmap to finding and fixing the problem or source of your struggles. Don’t be discouraged if it takes time. And be gracious with yourself. Often we take two steps forward and one step back. Sometimes we have months where we don’t progress at all. Maybe you have a long period of time feeling healthy and all of a sudden you have bad days again. It is a process, and your experience will always help you manage better the next time.

4) Follow Michael:

Fb: https://www.facebook.com/MichaelOfRivia26/photos

IG: https://www.instagram.com/michaelofrivia26/

YT: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_1XeuI5iUSsN3z3WRimviQ